Life in Mommyland

I know we've been planning a wedding and therefor already knew we were going to get married but she made it official and put a beautiful ring on my finger. It matches my other ring perfectly, which enables it to act as a band so I don't have to take it off either! I love my ring it's gorgeous and I feel so  fancy wearing it. It's the nicest thing I've ever owned, I feel as if I don't deserve it. I know it's silly but that part of me that grew up with nothing often tells myself things like that. Maybe it's my fear of having nothing again? I don't know. I know I am worthy of love and being loved and being treated nicely. I deserve to have something pretty but don't demand it. I'm very grateful for my life now but that small part of me keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's that little girl in me that never had a promise kept or a dream met, it's the young woman in me that took that disappointment with me through my young adulthood and the grown woman in me that fears it's all going to be taken away. 

I trust because it's all I can do, if I worry or give in to my fears then I'm jinxing myself. I also trust because Stacey hasn't given me a reason not to. She's kept every promise or word, treated me unbelievably kind, spoiled me rotten and loves me uncondtionally. I'm so blessed and I have to put it somewhere or else I'll just explode. I feel like I can't share my feelings anywhere because then I'm bragging or whatever but dammit I came from someplace really dark and I'm in the light finally; why can't I share my joy a little bit? I don't want to make others feel bad or if they are in a worse place to remind them of that. I just want to remind myself and say it out loud where I came from and where I am now in my life emotionally and mostly recognize/acknowledge so I don't ever go back. *sigh* enough rambling lol I've got to run to the grocery..I'll post a pic of the ring too! The ones we took with the camera didn't come out very well, so I pulled a pic off the website and cropped it.